Do
you remember when you were in school, what kind of stuff you had to
learn and how you asked yourself, well, what do I need this for? Or
else, what has this to do with my life? Surely you had some questions
like these, that made you aware of the fact that what we all have to
learn is a lot of stuff we cannot connect to our experiences and
circumstances at the time.
Young
children don't do things because it is necessary - five year old
children will lay the table not because everybody is coming together
to eat, but because mother told them to, and they either want to
please her or else do something that lets them feel valuable. So
learning how to lay a table is a side effect. It has to do with the
relationship (in our example) to the mother, which means, of course,
the very important thing is the quality of that relationship.
Learning for a young child is motivated by the need and want of being
(from our part of view: becoming) a member of the community, a
valuable member, of course. This is done in the way a young child has
the capacity for, and that means: as long as the attention can be
focused on a subject, and as long as it doesn't mean you demand too
much from your child. As well as anybody else, children are growing
with their tasks. And, more than adults do, they learn from other
people's examples.
What
a child needs, therefore, are a lot of opportunities for learning in
this way. Although children are every people's future, we do not
organize our life around their needs. Instead, we built a structure
of division of responsibility concerning almost every important thing
with regard to our life. That means, everybody focuses on just one
task at a time, which may be more effective than any other way of
organizing work, but needs a lot of concentration. "Working
together" has become a way of dividing labor; each person
contributes only one part to a process the whole of which is
supervised by yet another person, demanding timetable included. Much
of our wealth (and also comfortability) comes from that. Because we
cannot take our children with us to work (it is either dangerous for
them, or they would disturb us), we put them in daycare -
kindergarten, preschool, or whatever possibilities there are.
These
kinds of institutions can barely provide for our children's needs.
While at home, you can give your child daily tasks. In kindergarten
there are too many children, and too few opportunities to help. The
teachers' daily work is with or for the children, not something they
do for a living where children would be able to help them, let alone
to take their work as an example. There are few tasks left: laying
the table, and maybe helping in the kitchen. To improve the
situation, tasks could be invented. But the point is, the work in a
kindergarten or similar institution is there because the children are
there. This is absurd. It is no opportunity to take part in the usual
work that is done for the living of a community.
The
tasks in a household at home are better suited for the purpose of
raising a child (although they are restricted, too). Cooking,
washing, cleaning, are done for everybody, and everybody needs them.
Maybe there is a garden, too, where some vegetables are grown. This
way, we can provide our children with a lot of opportunities to being
helpful, developing necessary skills, and at the same time feeling
needed and valuable. This really lays the basis for self-esteem and
self-confidence.
There
is another point: children need to be able to observe people who are
exercising their tasks. Nothing like that is possible in
kindergarten; instead, adults there are busy with the same children
who should be observing them - another absurdity! Our home provides
this opportunity of observing only to small children (and only as
long as we really do the cooking, washing, cleaning, etc. ourselves).
At school, the teacher's teaching cannot be observed, because the
focus is on tasks teachers are not exercising, only showing.
"Exercising" would mean, children could observe for
instance a teacher doing maths as part of a practical tasks, with an
outcome needed by the community. (But then, of course, the teacher
wouldn't be a teacher in the usual sense of the word.)
So,
instead of letting children adjust to our daily life, we turn things
around: We keep them from life, and we pay people for caring for
them, which means, focusing on them (instead of children having to
focus on adults), keeping them busy, teaching them - not to forget,
watching them. This is certainly one (if not the only) reason why our
children usually don't follow our examples, don't obey our
instructions, don't consider or even seek our advice.
Of
course, children will adjust to the ersatz world we built for them.
They are in no position to protest a treatment their parents think to
be perfectly normal. And they certainly have not developed the skill
to name it - they would need the help of adults to do so. But the
very same adults are not in the position to name it, either, because
they take it for something else (that is, for a necessary step in
education).
What
we can often see when children have to start kindergarten, is a
certain degree of anxiety. I think, our society does not take this
for what it is: A change too big for a child, which she never had
chosen for herself in the first place. Instead, we persuade ourselves
that we have a normal situation of the type: starting something new,
exploring something unknown, makes everybody anxious - an anxiety
that must be overcome. So we "help" our children to deal
with their anxiety when having to go to kindergarten.
We
dismiss the point. Learning of course has to do with exploring
things, and being anxious or feeling uncomfortable because of the
unknown. But learning to overcome anxiety, can only be done, when the
experience is not one we are forced into making. It must be our own
choice to make an experience, only then we are able to change our
anxiety (or just a part of it) into courage (or back off, if we
recognize it as too big a step at a time). Forcing people into
experiences does not teach them to overcome their anxiety, but to
suppress it. At the same time, this is a way of getting them to let
go of their impulses. The extreme outcome of this would be a person
who only learns what others tells him to learn.
When
starting school, children are already apt to the abstract way of
learning. Until later in their lives (e.g. at puberty), most of them
will not call this into question. They have gotten used to learning
from books instead of people, alienated from life itself - they are
just preparing for their life in the future (fortunately, some do
complain this).
I
think, this is cruel.
Our
task as adults is, to help the next generation growing into our
society, which costs a lot of work, money, patience, time; this is
how we pay back the caring we got from our parents.
Children
do not want to be pampered; from the beginning, they want to do
things on their own. If this is in regard with caring for one's own
(which means: taking responsibility for one's self), or caring for
the community, does not matter to them. Either way, it teaches them
how to live, how to cooperate, and how to be a useful, valuable
member of the community.
As
adults, we are responsible for the next generation to be able to
maintain our society. Over the last decades, we have not made a good
job. More and more children have many problems to adjust to the
circumstances; putting them on medication can certainly not be an
answer. And an economy, who is focused on (cost) efficiency instead
of taking responsibility for the next generation to develop their
skills, is certainly not helpful. The many complaints we hear about
young people not being able to be trained, indicate our failure with
regard to the integration of our descendants into society.
We
must come to realize that we, as adults, have to adjust to the needs
and possiblities of our children. We must stop pressing them into a
structure that apparently only makes growing up difficult - it is
imperative to reconsider this structure. If we want our children to
become happy rather than troubled adults, we have to change our
behavior.